Age Appropriate Discussions
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THE EARLY YEARS
Discussions in these years tend to be focused on safety.
For example:
- Teach them to recognize, but never handle any drug paraphernalia like needles or pipes.
- Explain that there are drugs in the medicine cabinet that are
beneficial when used the right way, but dangerous, when they are not.
- Share with them that some children sniff glue or markers and explain that this is dangerous and could cause them harm.
- Teach them never to take anything such as medication or even candy
from anyone unless you say it is okay. Tell them that they need to say,
“Thank you, but I need to check with my mom or dad first.”
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MIDDLE YEARS
Critical Thinking Skills: These are
important years for teaching critical thinking and decision-making
skills – the skills kids need to evaluate whether or not to use alcohol
and other drugs. Use everyday examples that kids can relate to such as:
- Will the advertised toy meet their expectations for endless fun?
- If there were a fire in the house, how would they escape?
- If they can only join one activity this fall, will it be soccer or Scouts?
Parental Influence: Parental influence is at its strongest in
the early and middle years of childhood, because children are eager to
spend lots of time with their parents. It is precious time for forming
the strong relationships that make youth feel connected to their
families. Kids follow the examples and standards set by parents.
Drug-Specific Conversations: Conversations
about drugs and alcohol are most easily started by commenting on items
in the news like a celebrity’s behavior and the consequences. Know that
drugs are being offered to children younger than ever. Some drug
dealers disguise meth or heroin and give them fun names that kids in
the middle years relate to. Tell your kids that they still should never
take anything from someone they don’t know well, or even from a friend
without checking first with a parent. Explain to them about the dangers
of taking medications from other people - what was prescribed for one
person may harm or even kill another. Talk to them about drug dealers
using products like Drano to alter the colors of some drugs to make
them appear “fun.”
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TEEN YEARS
During these years
adolescents become conscious of the need to differentiate themselves
from their parents. This can cause some problems in the parent-teen
dialogue. At times, “grunting” may be as good as it gets. Some teens go
through secretive phases when even the simplest, seemingly friendly
inquiry gets a volatile reaction.
Parenting professionals tell
us to “show interest” but avoid “interrogation.” It can be a hard
distinction to make, and is different with each child. Commenting on
media stories, movies, etc. is always a good way to open discussion.
It
is important to simply “be around” so that conversations can develop
naturally. One father noticed that his son always watched a particular
television show. The father made a point of being in front of the TV
himself when that show came on. It gave him some common ground with his
son and opportunities for conversation that would not otherwise have
occurred.
Driving teens around is often a good place for relaxed
chats too. While the car is in motion they don’t have to make eye
contact and may feel free to confide in you.
Try to sit down
with the family a few times per week at the dinner table, which can be
difficult with busy schedules, and talk about what happened at school,
what their friends are doing
Be Honest About Fears
Teens often interpret our fear for them as being a lack of trust in them. They need to know what we are really afraid of.
For example:
While
Mom believes that her daughter will make wise decisions about alcohol
and other drugs, she knows the date rape drug is out there. Her
daughter’s good decision-making could disappear in one swallow.
Mom’s fear is about what others may do to harm her daughter.
Talking
this through with her daughter, exploring “what if” scenarios, and
developing a strategy to deal with the danger of date rape drugs offers
protection for her daughter and reassurance for Mom.
Listen to
and read the news and talk to them about stories about meth labs
poisoning a neighborhood or that “Strawberry Quik” was on the front
page of the newspaper and is said to be a mixture of meth with the
candy “Pop Rocks.” You should know that Drano is sometimes combined
with other ingredients in meth to make “Holiday,” which looks and
sounds fun with its slight green color.
The more you know about
street drugs – the way they look, what they are combined with, how they
are sold, and the dangers to the environment and body, the more they
will believe what you say, when you say it.
Do some research; it will be worth it.
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Communicate Expectations
Parents
must clearly communicate their expectations about alcohol and other
drug use. What are the family values and beliefs that your kids are
expected to follow? What are the consequences for violating them?
When
your teen comes home drunk or you discover a marijuana plant in the
back yard, that is not the best time to develop family policy. You will
be angry and your teen will be defensive. It will become personal –
policy decided on the basis of one child’s behavior and one particular
emotional time, is not the right time.
Hopefully, communicating
those expectations has been an ongoing process throughout childhood,
but in case that hasn’t happened, it needs to happen in as
straightforward and calm a manner as possible – no “beating around the
bush.”
Communicate Your Belief in Them
Communicate
your belief in them, they are smart and you expect them to make
decisions that are in their own best interests – not follow the peer
group.
Make it clear that, “Everybody did it,” will never be an acceptable reason.
You have faith that they will think decisions through for themselves.
Peers,
the media, the actions of celebrities and the Internet all influence
teens. Parents cannot change that. But you can help develop the
confidence in them to say, “No, that’s not for me.”
What parents
can affect, is the relationship they have with their own child.
Research tells us it has the power to be the most influential one.
(Taken
from: Alcohol Drug Education Service, “Helping Keep Kids Drug Free.”
For more information or to contact them, visit their site at: http://ades.bc.ca/about_us/contact_us.html
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